Me, Barbie & Rock n' Roll

I remember when I first found out that I had something in common with Barbie and Rock n' Roll. I was in Springfield, IL during state fair time and had tickets to the 30th Anniversary of Rock n' Roll. Coincidentally the fair took place during the same month as my 30th birthday. It was during that concert that there was mention of Barbie turning 30 that year as well. Great - me Barbie and Rock n' Roll. Funny how I'm the only one that actually looks older!

Let's take a good look at Barbie, who is also turning 50 this year. Do you see anything on her that would give away her age? Nope - not a thing. No crows feet, no labial lines, and no frown lines. I won't even talk about weight gain! Does that seem fair to you? Have you seen the 50th anniversary doll? She looks much better than she did when she was 20. There's just something wrong with this picture! Barbie should be aging like the rest of us. She should have a daughter that looks better than she does and AARP should be harassing Barbie with invitations to join just like they do to the rest of us. Barbie just looks better all the time.

Now, let's move on to Rock n' Roll. I'm still hearing songs on the radio that were new when I was 15! Heck, the Stones are still alive - who would've guessed that? Rock n' Roll is turning 50 this year and is none the worse for it. The bands and singers may be getting older, but the songs live on and on. I am now hearing some songs that have been released for the third or fourth time and have to listen to younger people exclaim over the "new song that's out." Ugh.

How much fun can it be to turn 50 during the same year that an unchanging icon and a classic genre turn 50? I'm feeling a little overshadowed right now. So as long as I'm experiencing my own insignificance, let's see who else will be 50 this year:
Bryan Adams (still touring)
Appolonia (you remember her with Prince, right?)
Tom Arnold (I thought he was older than that!)
Linda Blair (forever the girl in the Exorcist)
Danny Bonaduce (come on get happy)
Marc DeBarge (gosh, I forgot all about that band)
Sheena Easton (haven't heard anything from her for awhile)
Joe Elliot (Def Leopard is touring with Poison and Cheap Trick this year)
Fabio (you must remember him)
Jessica Hahn (has it really been 29 years since that scandal?)
Magic Johnson (also a long time since that shocking announcement)
Lorrie Morgan (I think she's had her share of ups and downs)
Marie Osmond (getting better all the time),
Mackenzie Phillips (is she in or out of rehab now?)
Paula Poundstone (standing up all over the country)
Debbie Rowe (Michael Jackson has an ex-wife - bizarre!)
Sade (Smooth Operator is piped into elevators across the country)
Richi Sambora (heading for the Song Writer's Hall of Fame on June 18, 2009)
Bryan Setzer (one of my favorite guitar players)
Randy Travis (saw him on TV the other night - first time in a long time)
Tracey Ullman (have you seen her Renee Zellweger imitation?)
Johnny Whitaker (how many of us are old enough to remember Family Affair?)
Kevin Spacey (another favorite - remember the Garden of Good and Evil?)

This is a small list. I'm not alone in turning 50 and not everyone is famous. Just looking at all the people that are turning 50 this year makes me feel less like an oddity. Sure, I could have it better - but I could sure have it worse. Turning 50 isn't easy, but then what is? At least I've got lots of company.

Antioxidants, Fruits & Vegetables

I've been trying to make sure I take supplements and eat foods that contain antioxidants. I have no idea why I am doing that. I've been sort of pretending I have a reason for taking them, but really, I just know that antioxidants are spoken of in a positive sense and so I figured I should probably have them.

My nutritionist talks about consuming foods that have antioxidants. Blueberries show up in this list. Grapes, cocoa and teas also are on the antioxidant list. I look at that list and think, hmmm...grapes and cocoa = wine and chocolate. I can do that! She didn't mean wine and chocolate.

She meant fruits and vegetables. To be specific, two servings of fruits and three servings of vegetables a day. She wanted me to eat that. You would think that being a vegetarian, that wouldn't be too hard. Think again. I can't just pick any old vegetable and call it a serving. Nope. It has to be a non-starchy vegetable. A serving is half a cup of whatever vegetable that is on the acceptable vegetable list. Oh, and I need to make sure that I eat vegetables that have different colors. Great, vegetable diversity. This is hard.

I have to buy groceries now. I don't usually do that with any regularity. We don't have any kids left at home to complain that there's nothing to eat, so I only go when I absolutely have to. I thought, heck - I'll just have a salad. That works, but it can't be iceberg lettuce. My nutritionist says there are no real nutrients in iceberg lettuce, my salads need to be made of dark green leaves, like arugula and romaine and adding spinach is a good idea as well. Oh. Hmmmm... I guess I'm going to the grocery store.

I discovered that eating healthy requires many trips to the grocery store. It makes me wonder if the grocery chains have contributed to nutritional research. A container of dark leaf lettuce will last through approximately four salads. That means I can't even get through a week without having to go to the grocery store at least twice. It's not like I can stock up either. Salad makings spoil rather quickly and do you know what happens when you try to freeze lettuce?! Don't ask - you don't want to know what it's like after it thaws.

I went at it scientifically. If I eat two salads a day, then that's fourteen salads. A container will make four salads so I will need to go to the store every other day to get salad. Every other day!!?? What if I just eat three and a half containers of salad on Sunday and just get it over with for the week? Okay - so that's not a good idea.

I decided to think about that one later. What if I have a different color vegetable each day and just eat three servings of it at once? I could open a can of carrots and eat the whole can. Poof! Vegetable requirement filled for the day at only 60 calories (yes, a can of carrots is only 20 calories a serving). That didn't go over well either. My plate is supposed to display vegetable diversity.

Why am I supposed to be eating vegetables again? I get all caught up in how to eat the vegetables that I can't remember why I'm supposed to eat them. Oh yes, now I remember. I'm supposed to eat them because they contain antioxidants. I don't know why I need those - but I do. I decided to to some more research.

There is a battle going on my body similar to the one that is going on in my head concerning aging. Antioxidants help prevent cellular damage caused by free radicals. Free radicals? I am now picturing little Stalins and Lenins and possibly a Sean Penn or two, scrambling all through my body being destructive. As we age, we need to consume more antioxidants to combat the increasing damage done by free radicals. New recruits to neutralize the free radicals and protect cellular democracy!

So where did these free radicals come from? We create them! One of their main functions is food digestion. You can imagine the damage those free radicals can do if they start working their digestive energy on our body's own cells! When this happens, free radicals turn into a hostile force and promote disease and speed aging. Large numbers of free radicals can be produced when our bodies are exposed to any number of things like exhaust, cigarette smoke, X-rays, the sun, and pure oxygen (yep - it's not all about pollutants). Antioxidants are our body's protectors against hostile free radicals. So basically, I'm a walking battle field!

Okay - my nutritionist was right and wasn't just thinking up ways to torture me. I still don't want to go to the grocery store every other day. But if I tell myself that the grocery store trips keep me from aging as quickly, I might go a couple of times a day!

Blueberries vs. Botox

I was curious about aging. Not that I want to know how to do it - I really want to learn how NOT to do it. I came across an article titled "Aging Gracefully and Naturally." (If you want to read it go here: http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/features/aging-gracefully-naturally) I was pretty sure this was going to be about accepting yourself as you are and being the best person you can be [yawn]. I found the article on WebMD so I figured it had at least some credibility. The article didn't say anything about acceptance or being your best self. What it did was discuss the option of blueberries instead of Botox! What??

The article said that the large number of antioxidants found in blueberries can save cells from premature aging and could compete with Botox. That's nice - but can I get rid of frown lines by rubbing a blueberry over them? I noticed that there was no mention of getting rid of existing lines; just preventing lines. Still, this is good information. I am considering eating five or ten pounds of blueberries a day to save my cells from premature aging. I want to know how the blueberries decide if I'm succumbing to premature aging or if I'm just plain old!

There was also some mention of blueberry extract and improved short term memory, balance and coordination, and possible cancer prevention. Of course, the beneficiaries of these wonderful side effects are rats. Still, I know that, at times, I've been perceived as a bit of a rat so maybe it would work for me.

One of the most interesting things in the article was the mention of Botox parties. I may lead a sheltered life - but really - Botox parties? Somehow, I just can't conceive of getting all dressed up to go out for the evening and instead of a wonderful dinner at a nice restaurant, I get needles in my face. This is entertainment? I realize that I'm probably the last to know about these parties, but it makes me think that the next thing you know, we'll be having group pelvic exams - Yikes!

I followed the Botox party idea and found an article on howcast.com titled How to Host a Botox Party (http://www.howcast.com/guides/1210-How-To-Host-a-Botox-Party). In 10 easy steps you too can host a Botox party! Step 1 states that you need to have a board-certified plastic surgeon or dermatologist at your party. This one just brings to mind disturbing images starring Party Doctors competing for the next gig. Can you imagine hiring doctors the way you hire clowns for childrens parties or that male stripper for your friend's fourtieth surprise birthday bash? This troubles me. Back to the party. As I read the article, I discovered that if you put on a Botox party, you are actually committing to two parties. The second party is the post procedure follow-up. Am I the only one that doesn't quite get this?

I noticed that when I entered "botox party" in the Google search field, an ad showed up that I considered to be a little deceptive. It said 100 Units for $129. This gets attention because botox costs an average of $12 - $14 a unit. Since the search word I used was Botox, I automatically assumed that the ad was for Botox. Not so. This is a do-it-yourself kit that provides you with 100 units of Wrinkle Freeze, instructions and a "teeny little needle." This causes me much greater concern than the Botox parties. I asked my doctor about Botox and he said that there are places that sell "bootleg botox." He explained that most of the adverse side effects that we hear about come from people who are being treated with less than the real thing. He added that if it doesn't say Botox®, then, it's NOT Botox. I think I just found one of those "less than the real thing" products. The company claims that their products are "(...) real, pharmacuetical grade treatment solutions." Hmmm...real treatment solutions for what? I wonder. I followed the link to the customer forum. Here, the people are all calling the solution Botox. It appears that they believe they are using the real thing. Can you say SCAM?

Back to the Blueberries. I don't think I'll be able to search out any bootleg blueberry distributers. Even if blueberries don't get rid of the lines between my eyebrows, they still taste good and might just give the rest of me a few extra years. I really could use improved coordination, I've been a bit of a klutz most of my life. Improved memory would be nice too. Would I pick blueberries over Botox? Probably not. By the time I eat enough blueberries (or enough blueberry extract) to counter premature aging, I'll be in the mature aging category and the offer will be void.

You Get What You Pay For...sort of

All my life I've wanted straight hair. The kind that doesn't look like a tumble weed, or like the hair old barbie dolls get when they've been buried in the toy box for 10 years. When ceramic flat irons came out a few years ago, a friend said I should try one - it worked great for her. Well, I had never seen her hair anything but straight so I was sceptical. I told her that my hair would fight every attempt at straightening. Not only that, but the stylists I consulted all agreed that any attempt at straightening would utterly destroy my hair. To seal the conversation, I proclaimed that my once-a-year trip to the salon, where I sat for three hours while a very patient stylist blow dried my hair (mostly) straight, was really more than I had time for. Come to think of it, my once-a-year trip hadn't been taken for a couple of years, so I must be really busy!

A few months ago, I gave in and tried a flat iron. I was wandering around in a store that was closing and saw a flat iron that looked relatively harmless. It was a Remington and had ceramic plates with Teflon material over the top of those. Surely, they wouldn't damage my hair too much, I thought to myself. It was only $45.00 I could afford to experiment at that price. I bought it.

That day, I tried it for the first time. After washing my hair, I had to dry my hair completely and that took about 2 hours. Then I had to straighten sections of hair until I had all my hair relatively straight. That took about an hour. After that, I had to return to the spots that decided to curl after I had ironed them - another 15 minutes went buy. So, I spent a little more time at it than I would have at a salon - but I could do it myself.

I felt like a new person! No longer trapped by unruly curls and Big Hair Syndrome, I felt like life was good again. Wow, what an experience. For the first time in my life I looked in the mirror and saw sleek sophisticated hair. No more wild child look. It was fantastic.

The next day, I realized that I could go to sleep without braiding my hair and still wake up with almost no tangles! That was a surprise benefit. I wanted my hair straight ALL the time. After about a week, I noticed that the ends of my hair didn't look quite right when I just let it dry naturally. The curls weren't there and the last 3 inches of my hair looked a little like straw! Oh NO! I had ruined my hair. Those hair stylists were right after all! What had I done?!

I couldn't just give up on my wonderful straight hair. But I was going to have to exercise some restraint. There had to be a way I could have straight hair sometimes without ruining my hair. I should have purchased the best iron the first time. I immediately went to Amazon and checked on the prices of CHI irons. I had looked at them before - but they were so expensive. Just my luck, I found a 2" iron on sale from $175.00 down to $95.00 with free shipping. What a deal. I ordered it. Then, I went to a local beauty supply and found hair dryer that had all the options: Nano-Silver, Ionic Generator, Negative Ion Technology, Ceramic plus Tourmaline, Removable air intake grill, 1875 watts, Ceramic Heater, Ergonomic Design, Quiet Motor, Extremely Lightweight, Three temperature settings and Two speed settings. In addition, it came in a great color! I put it in the cart. I also picked up hair restorative shampoo and conditioner, leave-in treatment for curly hair, a spray to protect my hair while using the flat iron, CHI conditioning spray (to match the new iron), a protein conditioner for EXTREMELY damaged hair and a package of mints at the counter.

While I was checking out, I felt the need to explain that I had damaged my hair. The lady at the checkout gave me a look. I guess I didn't need to explain myself, because every single item I put on the counter had to do with hair repair. I felt like I was too incompetent to have hair. Now, my hair had to be rehabilitated. I had to admit that I was powerless over my flat iron and my hair had become unmanageable. The shame of it all. Somehow I would manage to repair my hair so I could continue to straighten it. There had to be a way!

I used every product faithfully. I checked the ends of my hair daily and couldn't see any improvement. I was traumatized. I couldn't cut three inches off my hair! It would take 6 years to grow it back! Maybe I overlooked some sign of improvement. Frustration set in. At this point my straight hair experiment cost approximately $300.00 (even at sale prices) with about $150.00 of that spent on hair repair products. All I could see were my damaged ends .

One day I looked at the bottle of olive oil in my pantry. I thought about the oil and how good it tastes and how good it is for me. Hmmm...good for the inside - good for the outside. Why not?! I saturated my hair with olive oil. It took about half a cup. Then I ran a nice hot bubble bath, dropped in a lavender bath tea and let the aroma of the lavender tea ease my hair stress. I soaked for about an hour. After that, I decided to leave the oil in for another 30 minutes.

I jumped in the shower and washed my hair. The difference was really amazing. The olive oil made my hair softer and the ends looked great! I wouldn't have to find a 12 step group to deal with my flat iron obsession after all. I had discovered a way to use the iron while saving the ends of my hair.

I still use the spray to protect my hair from the heat of the flat iron. I don't straighten my hair as often as I would like. But, I think about that $150.00 I spent on hair repair products and compare it to the fifty cents worth of olive oil that actually did the trick and I really wonder. Did I get what I paid for? Sort of. It took $150.00 for me to get frustrated enough to try the olive oil. If the expensive products would have worked better, I would still be spending a huge amount of money on hair care products. As it is, I use fifty cents of olive oil every few weeks. If I look at it that way, I'm actually saving about $60.00 a month on the products I'm not buying. Hmm...I wonder if I could save even more money by not buying something else...

The Guest List

Back to the big birthday party. My husband and daughter are planning the event. I am hearing things like: "Is Union Station the only place you want the party?" and "What about something higher?" Higher?? I'm scared of heights - what could they possibly be thinking? I am now imagining a bungee jumping party or possibly parachuting. But then, they did ask if I wanted the event to be formal...so surely we wouldn't be bungee jumping in cocktail gowns - would we?

I had to come up with a guest list. You would think that after this many years a guest list would be a simple task. One of my requirements is that only people that like me are going to be invited. This party is NOT a politically correct party. I am not going to "put on a good face" and invite someone who doesn't like me just because it's the right thing to do. Unfortunately, that made the guest list task a bit harder. I had to think of people that actually like me!

This brings me to a topic that baffles most people. How do we know when people really like us and are not just being polite?

Well, I wanted to know the answer so I did what most people do...I went to Google. I entered the following phrase "ways to tell if people really like you." When I saw what was in the results list, I began to wonder if this was a good question.

Result 1: Ten ways to tell if someone is lying to you. I took that to mean that if people like you they won 't lie to you. At least not too much - I mean, there is that "do I look fat" question that no one in their right mind is going to answer truthfully.

Result 2: If you are thinking about suicide. I'd like to think that if people really like you they are going to disuade you from suicide. But, on the other hand, someone who really likes you may want you to have what you really want and help you out with that suicide thing. Hmmm....???

Result 3: Top 10 ways to tell if you spend too much time on video games. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that if you are wondering about your time with video games, you don't have time for friends anyway so it doesn't matter if people really like you.

Result 4: Stuff white people like. I am not kidding! This is an actual web site! From this I learned that if you are a moleskin notebook, white people will really like you. What is that all about???

Result 5: WikiAnswers - How can you tell if someone really likes you... Here I learned that if you don't have sex with someone for two weeks, you'll find out if they really like you. Well, I've been not having sex with all of my friends as long as I've known them - so does that mean I'll have to have sex with them and then stop to find out if they are really my friends? PASS.

Result 6: Amazon.com: How can you tell if you are really in love? That's a little too much for my question. Next.

Result 7: 10 Ways to tell if you should be self employed. Maybe this is something that goes along with the question, "Do my employers really like me?" If the answer is no - guess what? Interesting, but not the topic I'm looking for.

Result 8: Seven ways to tell if you're boring someone. This one works for me. If I can't tell that I am boring someone, then they must really like me. I'm sure it's very difficult to look and act interested while I'm talking. This one gets a thumbs up!

Result 9: 10 Ways to tell if you can afford it. I don't know...if I have to buy my friends, I think they don't have any incentive to really like me. On the other hand, buying friends guarrantees that, for the duration of the money, those friends are going to be really, really nice to you. Nope - toss that one out too.

Result 10: 10 Ways to tell if you are a Perfectionist. I have a feeling that when you discover you are a perfectionist, you will also realize that there aren't any people worthy of being your friend, so there's no sense in worrying about it anyway.

So, my research reveals to me that I won't know if someone likes me or not. The best way for me to determine if people really like me is to know if I really like them. If I do, odds are good that they like me too.